stop screwing around throwing parts at it. I was going to say see if you can find someone locally who knows what they are doing with duramax's, but I rememberd how you said you had "40 years experience working on engines", so nvmind, im not sure why you cant figure it out?
sarcasm aside, get a scan tool. Not a code reader. An actual scan tool like a Tech 2. THAT is the ONLY way you are going to be able to fix this.
If you think working on the dmax as-is is impossible, what makes you think "shade-tree'ing" a 12 valve cummins in is going to be easy, considering all the computers/integration in these trucks???????? Sure you can "shade-tree" a 12-valve in hook up the two wires or whatever a 12-valve needs and make it run..... But you arent going to have any gauges, AC, ABS, transmission, 4wd, etc............ If you want to keep all of your gauges, AC, 4wd etc working with a 12-valve swap you're going to have to do a shit-ton of re-wiring/custom harness making, splicing, fabricating, etc. Fixing the problem you have now isnt even in the same universe of complication compared to doing a "proper" 12-valve swap into one of these trucks and keeping all of the factory stuff working.......
ben