Post Whores II

[MadMaxx61]

Tucker: What if we just beat on these window shutters together, we can get 'em open.
Sarge: No, that would be the coward's way out. Fruitlessly trying to escape instead of accepting your own fate!
Tucker: But I can see daylight!
Sarge: It's true. Only a miracle can save us now.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Tex: Just tell us! What did you see?
Church: Umm, it was a really big... Thing...
Tex: That's your story? You saw a big thing?
Tucker: Ahh, my story had a big thing too. You just didn't give it time to develop.
Church: Well, I didn't really get a good look at it.
Caboose: At Tucker's big thing?
Church: No, you dumbass! At the big thing in the base that attacked me!

 

[MadMaxx61]

Blue Elite: Wort...
Andy The Bomb: He doesn't wear any pants.
Tucker: Yeah, we noticed. If we meet anybody on this adventure, that might need to change.
Andy The Bomb: Why? We're used to being naked! Free-ballin'! Come on... Commando!
Tucker: Let me just put it this way; I felt less threatened when Tex was staring at just the sword
Tex: Huh... Wha... Oh excu... erm... Yeah, I-I was just admiring his-his alien... muscle structure...
Tucker: Yeah, one particular part of his muscle structure...
Tex: Well that's just a matter of penis- I mean, uh... opinion! That's... that's it...
Church: Smooth...
Caboose: You told me it was another arm...
Blue Elite: GRRRRRR!
Andy The Bomb: Hey Caboose... High Five!
Caboose: I don't want to do that any more..

 

[MadMaxx61]

Donut: Defenses are established, Sarge!
[Sheila the tank, under Simmons' command, destroys part of the red base*]
Donut: Cancel that, Sarge - defenses are destroyed.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Sarge: Doctor Turd I presume!

 

[MadMaxx61]

Church: You don't suppose that sword is making him sick do you?
Caboose: I don't see how, it hasn't sneezed once.
Church: We don't know anything about it though. Maybe it runs on radiation and is poisoning him.
Caboose: Or maybe it runs on solar power!
Church: How would solar power making him sick?
Caboose: Is he a republican?

 

[MadMaxx61]

Church: I'm just worried, man. Who knows if this stuff is contagious? For all we know, Caboose could be next. Wake up tomorrow morning, he's throwing up, running a huge fever, next thing you know, he's bleeding out of his eyes cause his internal organs are liquidizing. And I'm gonna have to be the one that holds his hand as he screams himself to death. That's not gonna be any fun.
Caboose: I'm gonna go take a vitamin.
Church: Oh, don't bother, it's too late for you anyway.

 

[MadMaxx61]

O'Malley: It's quiet. Too quiet.
[Gunshot barely misses him]
O'Malley: Suddenly it's too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.

 

[MadMaxx61]

O'Malley: It can talk?
Andy The Bomb: Why is that always the first thing everyone says to me?
O'Malley: A talking bomb, you say. Hm, I could use a fellow like you in my organization.
Church: Yeah, I should probably point out that Andy here was designed specifically to blow up and destroy you.
O'Malley: I see... Well this is certainly awkward

 

[MadMaxx61]

Sarge: Yep, hand to hand combat is the old school way to kill your foes. It dates back to the honored tradition when combatants respected one another. Killing a man with your bare hands says, "We're all equals as men, except I'm slightly more equal cause I'm still alive and your dead." Of course dropping a nuke them for 50,000 ft is also totally acceptable. I mean lets face it. There's just not enough time in this busy world to show everyone the courtesy of a good strangling.
Grif: See, that right there is why society is going right down hill. Everyone's in such a hurry these days.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Sarge: Hey Caboose! You hear something behind you!
Caboose: I do? I wonder what's causing it.
Sarge: Double yoink!

 

[MadMaxx61]

Red Zealot: Everyone, everyone! Stop fighting! Look unto me. I possess the blue flag! I wield the power infinite. The universal maverick is mine to unravel. My every thought becomes a reality. Mountains will fall, seas will boil. Day will be as night. People will... run. Chicks will dig me. I'll get good grades... I'll get into a good college. Study abroad for a semester. You know, stuff like that. I'll get a job at a tech company... not a too technical job though. STOCK OPTIONS and a 401K! I will drive a foreign car and pay off my credit card bills! I will die with a full head of hair. My friends from high school will envy me... in ways they never imagined!

 

[MadMaxx61]

Tucker: We're all getting lumps of coal for Christmas, aren't we?
Church: **** no! You know how much coal costs? It's like five bucks a ton! I'm not spending that kind of money on you. You're all getting lumps of smoal.
Tucker: What the heck is smoal?
Church: It's a knockoff synthetic coal. It's just as good as the real thing. Except when you burn it it doesn't make any heat, it just makes smoke.
Tucker: What? How the hell does it burn without making any heat?
Church: How do I know? Ask the fine makers of smoal!

 

[MadMaxx61]

Tex: Well are you coming?
Andy The Bomb: What am I gonna do? Roll there? Pick me up you dumb bitch!
Tex: Great. I can see this is starting off well.
Andy The Bomb: Hey Tex, I bet you haven't had your hands on a ball this big since your morning scratch! Hahaha!

 

[MadMaxx61]

Simmons: [responding to Donut's time travel theory] Donut, that's not how time travel works. We don't leave copies of ourselves behind! And even if we did, they'd all be eight hundred years old! They'd all be DEAD by now.
Donut: Speak for yourself! I could live to be eight hundred. I'm on this AWESOME diet!
Sarge: Still doing that high-fat, low-fiber liquid diet where you drink nothing but bacon grease?
Donut: Nah, that was just a fad.
Sarge: What's the new one?
Donut: I only eat foods that begin with vowels!
Simmons: That's sounds really hard! What did you have for breakfast?
Donut: Eggs and Oreos! And for lunch I'm having asparagus... and Oreos!
Grif: Holy crap! I've been on that diet for years! I had no IDEA I was so healthy! I even cut out all the eggs! And I don't even KNOW what asparagus is.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Lopez: Buenos dia, y gracias por activar mi funcin del discourso. Soy el numero del modelo 01011...
Donut: Am I the only one not getting this?
Lopez: Me llamo Lopez.
Grif: Lopez! He just said "Lopez!" I understood that! I can speak Spanish!

 

[MadMaxx61]

Caboose: [Talking in radio] Come in, private Church, do you copy? Soldier unit Tex almost has the armor vehicle... situation... rectified. OK... we require... verification... of yourrrr... mission... ness. Ahem. How is your progression?
Church: Caboose! Nadie aqu est escuchdnome! No ms puedo hablar Espaol!
Caboose: [to Tucker] ... He says he wants to talk to you.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Lopez: Has ganado esta tiempo, pero su reinado repugnante va a ser de breve duracin. Los rojos van a ser vengado.
Tucker: Yeah, yeah, yeah, nobody cares. We need you to fix our tank.
Lopez: Nunca voy a trabajar para el enemigo. Puede un malo estar sobre su alma y su casa! Por mucho tiempo mi raza ha sufrido, pero muy pronto vamos a ver un da nuevo. La amanece de nuestro tiempo est cerca, y cuando la noche acontezca, su gente, la trabajadores del campo...
Tucker: Man, I thought Church talked too much! You think if I kick him in the switch he'll shut up?

 

[MadMaxx61]

Andy The Bomb: Hey Tex, when you turn around I can see where you tucked it!

 

[MadMaxx61]

Caboose: Wow! You have really good eyes.
Tucker: I have to. I never get to use the ****ing sniper rifle!