Post Whores II

[MadMaxx61]

Red Zealot: If the flag is gone, who will lead us? Who will inspire us with their shiny pole? Who will flap directions to us in battle? We are lost! And the world as we knew it is gone from our eyes! Only to live in our memories as the days of salad and glory! Truly these are the end of times!
[shouts]
Red Zealot: Repent! Repent!

 

[MadMaxx61]

Red Zealot: [after an angered Caboose makes his overly dramatic entrance into the battlefield] It's the Beast! The Anti-Flag, come to live among us and rule us for seven years! The end is nigh!

 

[MadMaxx61]

Church: So just remember, the Internet can be a very scary place if you're not prepared.
Grif: How do you recommend they prepare?
Church: I don't know. Try going to your local middle school chess club. Hand out crystal meth and drugs. That might be good practice.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Grif: Thanks for watching, everybody! Now let's all go home and masturbate!

 

[MadMaxx61]

Church: Private Mickey was the first to go. He was half across the base when he started screaming bloody murder.
Pvt. Mickey: Bloody murder!
[shouts]
Pvt. Mickey: Bloody murder!

 

[MadMaxx61]

Red Zealot: [in the midst of a huge battle] Stop fighting! Stop fighting! Everyone, *stop fighting*!
[the fighting stops]
Red Zealot: Everyone, everyone, look unto me! I possess the blue flag!
Red Grunt: [reverently] It's more beautiful than I ever imagined!
Red Zealot: I have seen the top of the mountain, and you will all worship me, as though I were a *god*!
[several Blue grunts run up and mob him]
Red Zealot: I regret nothing! I lived as few men dared to dream!
[dies]

 

[MadMaxx61]

Donut: Come on, Mr. Blue guy! You gotta wake up! Wake up!
Tucker: It hurts, just let me die.
Donut: You can't die! I'm bored! All these girls want to talk about is chick stuff! And not the fun chick stuff like ribbons and unicorns.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Tucker: Get Doc. I need Doc.
Donut: I can't! He got possessed by that evil guy and they escaped! He's the one that shot you. Don't you remember?
Tucker: I know. I want him to shoot me again.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Simmons: Hello? Hello? Is anybody here? Just great. I guess we all got seperated in the teleporter.
[Into COM]
Simmons: Sarge, this is Simmons 2.0, do you read me? Apparently, your plan to chase Lopez and Doc failed miserably. I appear to be stuck in some kind of nexus of teleporters, which could take me anywhere in the universe.
[pause]
Simmons: Or it's... the janitors closet, hell, I don't ****in' know. Sarge, are you there? Sarge!

 

[MadMaxx61]

Caboose: My toes... are getting pruney.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Caboose: I know where you can find O'Malley. He lived inside my helmet for a while, maybe he left an address to send his mail. We were like roomates.
Sarge: Sounds like he took some of the furniture when he left. And the carpet. And the drapes. And I wouldn't expect to get that deposit back, if you know what I mean.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Caboose: Sergeant! Look! A sleeping person!
Sarge: What? Holy Macaroon.
[Checks out the dead person]
Sarge: He's not sleeping, son, he's dead.
Caboose: Oh good. At first, I thought that was me because I am blue and I like to sleep. But if he is dead, that cannot be me. That would be silly.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Caboose: Look! More sleeping people! It must be naptime! But who has naptime now? Nap time comes before pants time, not after. I think these people are just making up times.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Sarge: Get over here! Give me a boost!
Caboose: Okay...
[walks up close to Sarge]
Caboose: You... are a good person. And people say... nice things about you.
Sarge: Not a morale boost, moron, a physical one. I need to see what's in that window.
Caboose: That window is very high. I don't think you are tall enough.
Sarge: I know. I need you to help me look through it.
Caboose: I don't think I am tall enough either. Also, my head is *round*, that window is *square*.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Sarge: Get over here and gimme a boost.
Caboose: Okay... you are a good person and people say nice things about you.
Sarge: Not a morale boost, moron, a physical boost. I need to see what's in that window.
Caboose: That window is very high. I don't think you are tall enough.
Sarge: I know... I need you to help me look through it.
Caboose: I don't think I am tall enough either. Also, my head is round. That window is square.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Sarge: What do you see?
Caboose: I see, a room.
Sarge: And? What's in the room?
Caboose: There are some walls, and some ceilings. Wait, only one ceiling.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Sarge: Hello? Is anyone okay? Are there any survivors... preferably any red survivors? Don't let that discourage you from speaking up if you're blue. I won't step on your neck or anything like that.
Caboose: Am I allowed to answer?

 

[MadMaxx61]

Caboose: I just... need to... get angry... and say... mean things... like... uh, your... brain... is... a... mountain... of... hatred.
Sarge: I never thought I'd reach the moment in my life when I actually missed Grif, but here it is.

 

[MadMaxx61]

[Simmons has just barely fixed the teleporter in time]
Sarge: Simmons, you get an F in efficiency, but I have to give you an A+ in dramatic timing.

 

[MadMaxx61]

[fueled by anger, after single-handedly defeating every Battle Creek Red and Blue grunt]
[shouts]
Caboose: I will eat your unhappiness!