Caboose: [is looking for the mark to set the bomb on and comes across the X, which he views at an awkward angle] That, is a plus sign... not an X.
Post Whores II
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Red Zealot: [lies dying, after Tucker guts him with the Plasma Sword] My quest is over. I can see the flag. It's so... flappy.
Caboose: [after the angered Caboose's rampage on the Battle Creek Reds and Blue grunts, with Sarge and Caboose ready to hop through a teleporter] Your toast has been burned, and *no* amount of scraping will remove the black parts!
Sarge: Oh, shut up, Caboose.
Sarge: Oh, shut up, Caboose.
Caboose: [Trying to calm Andy down, to stop him from exploding] Come on Andy, think of a happy place. What makes you feel happy?
Andy The Bomb: ...being in the middle of big explosion!
Church: Less happy place, less happy!
Andy The Bomb: ...being in the middle of big explosion!
Church: Less happy place, less happy!
Grif: [asking about a favor in return for Tex's help] But... it could be anything?
Tex: That's right.
Grif: [pause] Like gay stuff?
Tex: Oh, I have no idea!
Grif: But can we rule out the gay stuff?
Donut: Hey! How come I never get to help?
Tex: That's right.
Grif: [pause] Like gay stuff?
Tex: Oh, I have no idea!
Grif: But can we rule out the gay stuff?
Donut: Hey! How come I never get to help?
Sarge: [about mystery distress call] Simmons, have you tracked the source?
Simmons: Well, sir, all I can tell is the direction. I have *no* idea how far it is.
Sarge: Why not? I thought you were our unofficial science officer.
Simmons: That just means I'm smart. You want me to multiply two big numbers in my head... that I can do. But I can't measure radio signals with *no equipment*.
Grif: What's 32 times 56?
Simmons: 31,452.
Sarge: Is that right?
Simmons: Yes.
Sarge: That's pretty impressive.
Simmons: Well, sir, all I can tell is the direction. I have *no* idea how far it is.
Sarge: Why not? I thought you were our unofficial science officer.
Simmons: That just means I'm smart. You want me to multiply two big numbers in my head... that I can do. But I can't measure radio signals with *no equipment*.
Grif: What's 32 times 56?
Simmons: 31,452.
Sarge: Is that right?
Simmons: Yes.
Sarge: That's pretty impressive.
Church: Tucker, there's a very fine line between not listening and not caring, I like to think I walk that line everyday of my life.
Sarge: Once again I find myself torn. On the one hand, there's one less blue in the Universe. But now Doc's got a bigger body count than me! And that just won't do. No sir.
Simmons: Do you know what weapons we'll be using?
Sarge: Weapons. They're gonna be great!
Church: Okay awesome, what are they?
Sarge: That information is only given to people with the proper clearance.
Church: What's the proper clearance?
Sarge: Sorry, that information is only given on a need-to-know basis.
Church: Do I need to know?
Sarge: That's top secret!
Church: This sucks.
Sarge: Weapons. They're gonna be great!
Church: Okay awesome, what are they?
Sarge: That information is only given to people with the proper clearance.
Church: What's the proper clearance?
Sarge: Sorry, that information is only given on a need-to-know basis.
Church: Do I need to know?
Sarge: That's top secret!
Church: This sucks.
Sarge: I'm sure you're all wondering why I've gathered you here today...
Grif: Yeah not really. I'm just happy not to be washing the Warthog... for once.
Grif: Yeah not really. I'm just happy not to be washing the Warthog... for once.
Church: What's the big scoop?
Sarge: That the campaign is going to be great, and, you're really, going, to, enjoy it. That, is all. Thank you for your time.
Church: Wait a second, that's it? That's the big announcement? That we're going to enjoy the new campaign?
Sarge: No, that you're really going to enjoy it. Oh, and the part about it being great.
Sarge: That the campaign is going to be great, and, you're really, going, to, enjoy it. That, is all. Thank you for your time.
Church: Wait a second, that's it? That's the big announcement? That we're going to enjoy the new campaign?
Sarge: No, that you're really going to enjoy it. Oh, and the part about it being great.
Grif: So all we know is that there's gonna be some kind of an upcoming campaign...
Sarge: Possibly.
Grif: And that the Spartans will be involved in it...
Sarge: Those are your words.
Grif: But that we can't know anything...
Sarge: I can't say.
Grif: Including who we're fighting...
Sarge: I have no comment for the subject.
Grif: Or if we're even fighting in it...
Sarge: Sarge: I plead the fifth.
Grif: Or when it even starts...
Sarge: I refer you to my previous statement.
Grif: But that it's going to be great.
Sarge: I feel comfortable confirming that. Wait- Yes.
Grif: ...well I'm totally stoked!
Simmons: Kickass!
Sarge: Possibly.
Grif: And that the Spartans will be involved in it...
Sarge: Those are your words.
Grif: But that we can't know anything...
Sarge: I can't say.
Grif: Including who we're fighting...
Sarge: I have no comment for the subject.
Grif: Or if we're even fighting in it...
Sarge: Sarge: I plead the fifth.
Grif: Or when it even starts...
Sarge: I refer you to my previous statement.
Grif: But that it's going to be great.
Sarge: I feel comfortable confirming that. Wait- Yes.
Grif: ...well I'm totally stoked!
Simmons: Kickass!
Caboose: I have a plan, Sergeant, but we will have to move quick. Listen; whisper, whisper, whisper. Do you think that will work?
Sarge: That's your plan? All you said was, "Whisper, whisper, whisper."
Caboose: I know. I just wanted to be the one with the plan for once.
Sarge: That's your plan? All you said was, "Whisper, whisper, whisper."
Caboose: I know. I just wanted to be the one with the plan for once.
Wyoming: Right, here's the way this works. I ask you a question, you tell me an answer. One question, one answer. I don't get the answer I like, we've got a problem. And if we've got a problem, you've got a problem. That clear?
Phil: Okay, just don't hurt me! I'm a single parent.
Wyoming: Splendid, that's the attitude, old chap.
Phil: Okay, just don't hurt me! I'm a single parent.
Wyoming: Splendid, that's the attitude, old chap.
Sarge: Hurry up, Simmons.
Simmons: Just give me a few more seconds over here, Sarge.
Sarge: We don't have a few more seconds!
Simmons: Stop pressuring me! I rely on you for love and support!
Simmons: Just give me a few more seconds over here, Sarge.
Sarge: We don't have a few more seconds!
Simmons: Stop pressuring me! I rely on you for love and support!
Tucker: I'm still picking up the reds' transmissions from when we broadcast that Lopez song. There's a lot of chatter.
Church: Well, are you at least getting any useful information?
Tucker: Nah, it's just the same two guys bickering like an old married couple. I've only been listening for like five minutes and I can already tell they're really in love. Why can't they see it?
Church: Well, are you at least getting any useful information?
Tucker: Nah, it's just the same two guys bickering like an old married couple. I've only been listening for like five minutes and I can already tell they're really in love. Why can't they see it?
Caboose: Would you stop saying bad things that come true! Or... say them ten seconds earlier!
Sarge: Tex, this is Sarge. Do not detonate the bomb.
Tex: I don't have a detonator, it's on a timer.
Grif: A countdown timer?
Tex: No, a count up timer. It goes from one, to explode. Of course a countdown timer, you idiot!
Tex: I don't have a detonator, it's on a timer.
Grif: A countdown timer?
Tex: No, a count up timer. It goes from one, to explode. Of course a countdown timer, you idiot!
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