Post Whores II
- Thread starter Poltergeist
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[Church and Tucker are discussing Tex's actions on Planet Sidewinder]
Church: Then she beat Jimmy to death with his own skull.
Tucker: What? That doesn't seem physically possible.
Church: That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming.
[cut to Planet Sidewinder. Tex is beating Jimmy with his own skull]
Pvt. Jimmy: This doesn't seem physically possible!
[grunts and dies]
Church: Then she beat Jimmy to death with his own skull.
Tucker: What? That doesn't seem physically possible.
Church: That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming.
[cut to Planet Sidewinder. Tex is beating Jimmy with his own skull]
Pvt. Jimmy: This doesn't seem physically possible!
[grunts and dies]
Caboose: [revelling] AI... What's the "A" stand for?
Church: Artificial.
Caboose: Ah. What's the...
Church: [interrupting] Intelligence.
[short pause]
Caboose: What's the "A" again?
Church: Artificial.
Caboose: Ah. What's the...
Church: [interrupting] Intelligence.
[short pause]
Caboose: What's the "A" again?
Church: And Tex? The one thing I didn't realize before was this. Maybe I'm the last Church not because I fixed everything, but because I died and there's no way I can come back. If that happens, I just want to let you know I'm sorry. Sorry I got you mixed up in all this stupid stuff. Sorry I wasn't a better guy than I should have been. Sorry for... well, a lot of stuff...
Church: ...but, if we do survive this, then it's totally because of me and you should build a ****ing statue in my honor. I'm serious! Something cool! Like me on a horse. No, no, no, wait, a motorcycle!
Church: ...but, if we do survive this, then it's totally because of me and you should build a ****ing statue in my honor. I'm serious! Something cool! Like me on a horse. No, no, no, wait, a motorcycle!
[Tucker is showing Donut his energy sword]
Donut: Wow, that's great! I like the glowing part. Ooh, does it make cool noises when you swing it?
Tucker: I don't think so. No, wait, is "whoosh" a noise? Because if it is, then yes. It goes, "Whoosh whoosh, whoosh, wsh wsh, wsh-ch-ch, chw chw, whsh-chsh, chsh-chsh-chww, whshhh, sh-sh-shing!, fring!, whshhh, whww".
[he swings the sword, and it makes a whooshing sound]
Tucker: See?
Donut: And you found that in a hole?
Tucker: Yeah, dude, I was just walking along, following Tex... not really paying attention, you know. I fell in some hole. And, ah, Tex didn't help me out, she figured she was better off without me, and that's where I found this.
Donut: You know, most people would tell that story in a way that makes them sound a little better.
Tucker: Yeah, but, you know, that's not really my style.
Donut: Wow, that's great! I like the glowing part. Ooh, does it make cool noises when you swing it?
Tucker: I don't think so. No, wait, is "whoosh" a noise? Because if it is, then yes. It goes, "Whoosh whoosh, whoosh, wsh wsh, wsh-ch-ch, chw chw, whsh-chsh, chsh-chsh-chww, whshhh, sh-sh-shing!, fring!, whshhh, whww".
[he swings the sword, and it makes a whooshing sound]
Tucker: See?
Donut: And you found that in a hole?
Tucker: Yeah, dude, I was just walking along, following Tex... not really paying attention, you know. I fell in some hole. And, ah, Tex didn't help me out, she figured she was better off without me, and that's where I found this.
Donut: You know, most people would tell that story in a way that makes them sound a little better.
Tucker: Yeah, but, you know, that's not really my style.
Simmons: [firing his rifle] Oh, that's right! Suck it, Blue.
Grif: [pops up in front of Simmons] Yeah. Sneak attack!
Simmons: Sit down, you dumbass. I can't see!
Grif: [pops up in front of Simmons] Yeah. Sneak attack!
Simmons: Sit down, you dumbass. I can't see!
Church: You don't know anything about the aliens who programmed you?
Gary: Correct. Instead, they filled all my memory banks with information about The Great Destroyer and his race.
Church: You mean humans.
Gary: That is not what they call you, but correct.
Church: Why, what you they call us?
Gary: ...Shisno.
Church: That's an insult, isn't it?
Gary: Perhaps this can be best explained in the form of a knock-knock joke. Knock, knock.
Church: Who's there?
Gary: You are.
Church: You are who?
Gary: You are a dirty, dirty shisno. Ha, ha, ha.
Church: All right, what does it mean?
Gary: What is the most foul-smelling animal on your planet?
Church: Um... a skunk. Wait, so shisno means skunk?
Gary: Not exactly. Does a skunk defecate?
Church: Yes...
Gary: And does the skunk's defecation in turn produce its own excrement?
Church: Eww, no!
Gary: Then there is no equivalent for shisno in your language.
Gary: Correct. Instead, they filled all my memory banks with information about The Great Destroyer and his race.
Church: You mean humans.
Gary: That is not what they call you, but correct.
Church: Why, what you they call us?
Gary: ...Shisno.
Church: That's an insult, isn't it?
Gary: Perhaps this can be best explained in the form of a knock-knock joke. Knock, knock.
Church: Who's there?
Gary: You are.
Church: You are who?
Gary: You are a dirty, dirty shisno. Ha, ha, ha.
Church: All right, what does it mean?
Gary: What is the most foul-smelling animal on your planet?
Church: Um... a skunk. Wait, so shisno means skunk?
Gary: Not exactly. Does a skunk defecate?
Church: Yes...
Gary: And does the skunk's defecation in turn produce its own excrement?
Church: Eww, no!
Gary: Then there is no equivalent for shisno in your language.
[the Blue team has agreed to send their Medic over as a hostage]
Church: OK. We're gonna send over our Medic. Now, what do we get?
Simmons: You? You're surrendering! You don't get anything except humiliation and ridicule!
Tucker: We've already got that! What else do you have?
Church: OK. We're gonna send over our Medic. Now, what do we get?
Simmons: You? You're surrendering! You don't get anything except humiliation and ridicule!
Tucker: We've already got that! What else do you have?
Grif: Hey thanks kiss ass, if I want to take guarding tips from the guy that lost our last prisoner, I'll be sure to ask you
Donut: Oh man, that is a burn. Dude, you just got burned, burned dude, burned.
Simmons: Shut up, your armor's pink.
Donut: Oh man, that is a burn. Dude, you just got burned, burned dude, burned.
Simmons: Shut up, your armor's pink.
Frank DuFresne: Besides, I'm not supposed to get involved unless someone gets hurt
Church: Huh... I see
[Church point his gun at Caboose and then fires]
Caboose: Owwwww! My Foot!
Church: Well, It looks like Caboose has hurt himself... Maybe you should get over there and help him, Doc.
Frank DuFresne: You know, you could have just asked nicely.
Church: Huh... I see
[Church point his gun at Caboose and then fires]
Caboose: Owwwww! My Foot!
Church: Well, It looks like Caboose has hurt himself... Maybe you should get over there and help him, Doc.
Frank DuFresne: You know, you could have just asked nicely.
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