Post Whores II

[MadMaxx61]

Cyan> Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot.
Cyan> Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the @#$%ing shit out of him.
Cyan> So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he @#$%ing had:
Cyan> 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
dan> Dude, you @#$%ing killed McGuyver!

 

[MadMaxx61]

reptile-> The first time hypr opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside he yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!"
hypr> wtf are donut seeds

 

[MadMaxx61]

Jakefeb3: do you know a turtles only weakness?
AvatarOfSolusek: no
AvatarOfSolusek: well
AvatarOfSolusek: thier slowness
Jakefeb3: there weakness is they cant roll over when they are on their backs
AvatarOfSolusek: lol
Jakefeb3: now i have a plan
Jakefeb3: if i duck tape 2 turtles together they are unstoppable

 

[MadMaxx61]

DigiGnome> Real life should have a @#$%ing search function, or something.
DigiGnome> I need my socks.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Terror> "It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield."
cky> opposite over hypotenuse
cky> dipshit

 

[MadMaxx61]

* Spoon casts Wall of Silence
*** Spoon sets mode: +m
Goku> why?
Spoon> Because exo went insane
Goku> no, he just brought his insanity up to another level
* Sentinel checks..
*** Sentinel sets mode: -m
exogen> THERE'S BUTTER ON MY FACE!
*** Sentinel sets mode: +m

 

[MadMaxx61]

Ich> I have passed the transitional stage of internet geekhood
Ich> I was cashiering at work today, and was punching in the code for plums, which is 4040.
Ich> and the 0 key doesn't work this well, so I punched it in wrong.
Ich> and the machine flashed up "Item Not Found: 404"
Ich> and I actually laughed out loud

 

[MadMaxx61]

JoshtheRipper> Brad do you have any issues with " burn in " on your plasma?
KnaveBrad> nope
JoshtheRipper> kool
JoshtheRipper> How well does it handle blacks
KnaveBrad> I have it bolted to the wall, so they can't really take it without some serious work

 

[MadMaxx61]

BlackDeth> i like stalked this girl sorta
BlackDeth> like once she asked me for a ride home from work
BlackDeth> and i took her home... i dropped her off at her house
BlackDeth> and shes like... wait a minute..how did you know where i lived?

 

[MadMaxx61]

Raize> can you guys see what I type?
vecna> no, raize
Raize> How do I set it up so you can see it?

 

[MadMaxx61]

Axe> I
Axe> do
Axe> not
Axe> know
Axe> where
Axe> family
Axe> doctors
Axe> acquired
Axe> illegibly
Axe> perplexing
Axe> handwriting;
Axe> nevertheless,
Axe> extraordinary
Axe> pharmaceutical
Axe> intellectuality,
Axe> counterbalancing
Axe> indecipherability,
Axe> transcendentalizes
Axe> intercommunications'
Axe> incomprehensibleness.
JediHobbes> woah
JediHobbes> *blinks*

 

[MadMaxx61]

reuben> somebody keeps jiggling the doorknob on my front door, then running away
reuben> i don't know if i should call the police, or hook up some electricity to the doorknob
cristobal> why don't you put ice on the stairs
cristobal> and heat up the door knob
cristobal> and swing paint buckets down from your two story foyer
cristobal> then a few years later, fade from the public eye.....

 

[MadMaxx61]

acidwar> last night, tony and I decided to stop off on the way to the party to get some beer
acidwar> we come out of the shop a few minutes later and there's a parking guy writing a ticket
acidwar> tony goes up to him and asks him what the ticket's for, parking guy explains that the car is parked in a no standing zone
acidwar> tony starts abusing him and tells him to cram it up his ass, so the guy writes a ticket for abusing him
Nuzzler> haha
acidwar> so tony gets up him even more, and every time he says something the guy writes another ticket
acidwar> 14 tickets later, the guy gives up and walks off
dendyh0> ...
acidwar> and we both PISS ourselves laughing as we walk back to tony's car around the corner, leaving some poor bastard with 14 parking fines
dendyh0> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Nuzzler> ROFL!!

 

[MadMaxx61]

Malagmyr> This linguistics professor was lecturing the class.
Malagmyr> "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."
Malagmyr> "However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
Malagmyr> Immediately, a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah..... right...."

 

[MadMaxx61]

ikkenai> i don't have hard drives. i just keep 30 chinese teenagers in my basement and force them to memorize numbers

 

[MadMaxx61]

Polytope> tetris is so unrealistic

 

[MadMaxx61]

Pax> I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself.

 

[MadMaxx61]

Kazz> Do vampires have anuses? Cause that's why I wouldn't let this kid invade a vampire's anus in this RPG, right, I was GMing, and his character was an Anus Shade, with the power to possess and control the anuses of people and animals.. and I figured that vampires don't have anuses.
Zaratustra> a vampire's anus is present, but non-working.
Zaratustra> like a network card without the appropriate driver.
Kazz> Wow. You're the biggest dork on Earth.
Sharkey> And you're DMing an rpg with Anus Shades.

 

[MadMaxx61]

beser> Today my History class took a feild trip to the Museum of Tolerance. Its a museum showing kids not to be prejudice and all that good stuff.
beser> Anyways, one exhibit is two doors next to each other. One door has a sign hanging over it saying "Those with prejudice walk through this door" The other door's sign said "Those without prejudice walk through this door". Obviously the door for people without prejudice isn't openable because as the tour guide says "Everyone has prejudice".
beser> So, I start tugging on the door and say "What the hell is wrong with this damn door, did some damn Jew make this?" and the tour guide kicked me out and i had to sit in the bus for 15 minutes

 

[MadMaxx61]

Gear Grinder X: once, we had these total freak seventh day advenist (or whatever) freak ass neighbors
Gear Grinder X: and this girl Lanna was a little younger than me
Gear Grinder X: she was a @#$%, and they were all totally religious
Gear Grinder X: she threw rocks at me once on my bike, and so I turned around, and went to run over here
Gear Grinder X: I was hauling ASS, and you know what she did?
Gear Grinder X: put her hands on her hips, and stood there and said "The lord will protect me"
Gear Grinder X: well.... he didn't