Hey guys,
You know, I've been on the forums since The Page was up and running. From there I went to The Place and when Nick sold out I migrated with the rest of you guys here.
Simply put, like you guys, I just love diesel pickups. I can't get enough info about reading about them and seeing where the future will bring us. I've been to the Diesel Nationals in Indy a few times and met some amazing guys from these here pages. The Northeast Diesel Get Together that Terry always set up was also a good time to shoot the shit with members. All these events brought people together and many times it felt like family.
And that gets me to this...
I lost my fiancé recently. The absolute love of my life. This woman put up with my shit day in and day out. Was ALWAYS by my side and supported me in every which way possible. We'd finish each others sentences and with just one look knew what the other was thinking. She was my best friend and soulmate. My everything. I had 2 kids from a previous relationship, my daughter who is 9 and my son who will be turning 16 in January. I was a little nervous about how they would react to each other, but wow! It was amazing seeing them get along. Melanie would have movie nights, cook, clean, do homework and just about everything else with the kids. Especially my daughter. My son being almost 16 would just watch the movies.
I'm having a really hard time coping with her loss. I try not to isolate myself and be strong but holy Hell it's just too much sometimes. Every song on the radio, I'd remember her singing to it. Every restaurant, grocery store or any location really, brings back memories and I feel like I'm going to break down. I never saw myself like this. Thought I was much stronger. And when my daughter crawls into bed holding a picture of her, tears running down her face I feel so damn helpless!
I did seek help. Something I would never do before. I guess I was too proud or whatever. It does help...temporarily. But I'll take it. I feel bad for my friends. They really don't know what to say. And I can't blame them, there's no handbook on what to say or do.
And that brings me to why I've opened up to you guys. I'm 40. Melanie was 30. Would have been 31 on the 21st of December. No one I know has lost a girlfriend, fiancé or wife. It doesn't usually happen yet at our age. When I talk about it, I feel alone. Like talking about kids to someone that doesn't have any. I'd love to hear from any one of you guys that has had to live through a situation like this. I don't wish this feeling upon my worst enemy. It's literally a living Hell. I drive sometimes and all of a sudden I feel something about to come over me. Best way to describe it is like seeing a tsunami from afar. You see it coming and it's getting bigger and bigger as it comes towards you. That's when I have to pull in somewhere before it hits full on. I can't control it. But I'm smart enough to get off the road when I feel it. And then it hits. I sometimes sit there for a few hours or up to nine hours. I scream, I cry I hit my steering wheel. I'm not recognizable to myself. But then I come to and it passes. Like a storm. Guys, is this normal? Have anyone of you guys went through this shit? This living Hell? What did you do to help cope with that loss? I thank God that I'm not into drugs or an alcoholic. But I can see why some people would go that route..to numb the pain. I keep hearing everyone say "time" is the answer. And yeah, I know they're right. But there has to be something else. There's no magic pill, or magic answer. This I know. But I'll gladly take advice from someone who has lived through this. Someone who knows how it feels, you know?
You guys feel like family. And never in a million years would I have thought I'd pour my heart out on here. But, here I am. Sorry for the long novel. Put down your phone, tablet or computer, and give your loved ones a kiss and tell them that you love them.
Cheers,
Nick
You know, I've been on the forums since The Page was up and running. From there I went to The Place and when Nick sold out I migrated with the rest of you guys here.
Simply put, like you guys, I just love diesel pickups. I can't get enough info about reading about them and seeing where the future will bring us. I've been to the Diesel Nationals in Indy a few times and met some amazing guys from these here pages. The Northeast Diesel Get Together that Terry always set up was also a good time to shoot the shit with members. All these events brought people together and many times it felt like family.
And that gets me to this...
I lost my fiancé recently. The absolute love of my life. This woman put up with my shit day in and day out. Was ALWAYS by my side and supported me in every which way possible. We'd finish each others sentences and with just one look knew what the other was thinking. She was my best friend and soulmate. My everything. I had 2 kids from a previous relationship, my daughter who is 9 and my son who will be turning 16 in January. I was a little nervous about how they would react to each other, but wow! It was amazing seeing them get along. Melanie would have movie nights, cook, clean, do homework and just about everything else with the kids. Especially my daughter. My son being almost 16 would just watch the movies.
I'm having a really hard time coping with her loss. I try not to isolate myself and be strong but holy Hell it's just too much sometimes. Every song on the radio, I'd remember her singing to it. Every restaurant, grocery store or any location really, brings back memories and I feel like I'm going to break down. I never saw myself like this. Thought I was much stronger. And when my daughter crawls into bed holding a picture of her, tears running down her face I feel so damn helpless!
I did seek help. Something I would never do before. I guess I was too proud or whatever. It does help...temporarily. But I'll take it. I feel bad for my friends. They really don't know what to say. And I can't blame them, there's no handbook on what to say or do.
And that brings me to why I've opened up to you guys. I'm 40. Melanie was 30. Would have been 31 on the 21st of December. No one I know has lost a girlfriend, fiancé or wife. It doesn't usually happen yet at our age. When I talk about it, I feel alone. Like talking about kids to someone that doesn't have any. I'd love to hear from any one of you guys that has had to live through a situation like this. I don't wish this feeling upon my worst enemy. It's literally a living Hell. I drive sometimes and all of a sudden I feel something about to come over me. Best way to describe it is like seeing a tsunami from afar. You see it coming and it's getting bigger and bigger as it comes towards you. That's when I have to pull in somewhere before it hits full on. I can't control it. But I'm smart enough to get off the road when I feel it. And then it hits. I sometimes sit there for a few hours or up to nine hours. I scream, I cry I hit my steering wheel. I'm not recognizable to myself. But then I come to and it passes. Like a storm. Guys, is this normal? Have anyone of you guys went through this shit? This living Hell? What did you do to help cope with that loss? I thank God that I'm not into drugs or an alcoholic. But I can see why some people would go that route..to numb the pain. I keep hearing everyone say "time" is the answer. And yeah, I know they're right. But there has to be something else. There's no magic pill, or magic answer. This I know. But I'll gladly take advice from someone who has lived through this. Someone who knows how it feels, you know?
You guys feel like family. And never in a million years would I have thought I'd pour my heart out on here. But, here I am. Sorry for the long novel. Put down your phone, tablet or computer, and give your loved ones a kiss and tell them that you love them.
Cheers,
Nick
