I am not sure if you are a religious type of guy but when confronted with hardships in my life I have always turned to Him and found peace. My favorite verse of all time, Matthew 6:19-21. I'm paraphrasing..."Amass your treasures in the kingdom of heaven, where moth and vermin do not corrupt and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, your heart will be also". At the loss of someone special I have always found solace in knowing that I will see them again someday and they are in a better place. Our earthly existence is hardly relevant in the big picture. Look after your soul brother.
Losing Your Girlfriend, Fiancé, Wife...etc. How To Deal With It?
- Thread starter duramaxdiesel
- Start date
After reading your story, my heart hurts for you! I lost my father unexpectedly back in 2011. There isn't a day that doesn't go by that I don't think of him. Everyone that has commented has pretty much nailed it. You'll never get over the fact that she is gone, you just get used to it. You and your family will be added to our family's prayers! We are all here for you brother!
Feel very sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one, especially your other half has to be tuff. I am super happy that you reached out to us and asked for an opinion. Holding it in does no good for you and i am loving the support on this subject.
i was 16 riding my dirtibke with my best friend (side by side sense we were 6 yrs old) on memorial day in 2008. Long story short me and my best friend were riding side by side down a road racing a 1/4 mile or so on our dirtbikes, i had a yamaha vs his honda both 250 4strokes. We were tapped out in 5th gear and long long long story on how it happened but he collided with his 12 year old brother who was also riding his dirtbike. I could of reached out and touched him, thats how close i was and how much i saw and its something that i can not ever delete out of my mind. A little video plays in my head just about every day.
How i coped with that at the age of 16, i didnt cope with it well at all. My best friend is alive still but has no right arm or right leg and tragically his little brother is no longer with us. I didnt really talk to him or hang out with him till about 6 months ago (im 25 now). I did say hi here and there and its not that i was ignoring him, just every time i drove around that area or me and him hung out, it would remind me of what i seen. As soon as i got my liscence I worked alot! alot lot! I drank alot, i drank alot in high school, i drank alot in college, and i have toned it back quite a bit! Dont drink, plz dont drink. My parents forced me to go to a psychologist i think thats what it was....it didnt help, i just talked to the guy alot and we got no where, i went once and ended that.
Best thing i can say is, that buddy you call .... call him up when your down and having thoughts. Defiantly phone a friend, do things you dont normally do. Sounds odd, but it helped me out alot.
6 month ago, i called up my best friend and asked him to hang out! We hang out just about every day now, and have a ton of fun together! The damn guy has the highest spirits and has and amazing gf! We have been riding snowmobile together ( he rips on a sled with one arm and one leg). We go golfing, we camped this year ( rode jetskies and partied on my boat) , Its like we picked up where we left off! We talked about what happened. I told him i finally just accepted it, i beat the thoughts, i have come to peace with what happened and what i have seen. So has he, and me and him talking an hanging out again has helped even more!
My confidence has sky rocketed because of him!
I am hope me sharing my story can help you, pm if you need anything.
i was 16 riding my dirtibke with my best friend (side by side sense we were 6 yrs old) on memorial day in 2008. Long story short me and my best friend were riding side by side down a road racing a 1/4 mile or so on our dirtbikes, i had a yamaha vs his honda both 250 4strokes. We were tapped out in 5th gear and long long long story on how it happened but he collided with his 12 year old brother who was also riding his dirtbike. I could of reached out and touched him, thats how close i was and how much i saw and its something that i can not ever delete out of my mind. A little video plays in my head just about every day.
How i coped with that at the age of 16, i didnt cope with it well at all. My best friend is alive still but has no right arm or right leg and tragically his little brother is no longer with us. I didnt really talk to him or hang out with him till about 6 months ago (im 25 now). I did say hi here and there and its not that i was ignoring him, just every time i drove around that area or me and him hung out, it would remind me of what i seen. As soon as i got my liscence I worked alot! alot lot! I drank alot, i drank alot in high school, i drank alot in college, and i have toned it back quite a bit! Dont drink, plz dont drink. My parents forced me to go to a psychologist i think thats what it was....it didnt help, i just talked to the guy alot and we got no where, i went once and ended that.
Best thing i can say is, that buddy you call .... call him up when your down and having thoughts. Defiantly phone a friend, do things you dont normally do. Sounds odd, but it helped me out alot.
6 month ago, i called up my best friend and asked him to hang out! We hang out just about every day now, and have a ton of fun together! The damn guy has the highest spirits and has and amazing gf! We have been riding snowmobile together ( he rips on a sled with one arm and one leg). We go golfing, we camped this year ( rode jetskies and partied on my boat) , Its like we picked up where we left off! We talked about what happened. I told him i finally just accepted it, i beat the thoughts, i have come to peace with what happened and what i have seen. So has he, and me and him talking an hanging out again has helped even more!
My confidence has sky rocketed because of him!
I am hope me sharing my story can help you, pm if you need anything.
I just read this and thought of you
Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
I'm sorry for your loss brother
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk
Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
I'm sorry for your loss brother
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk
sorry too hear about this!
definetly some great advice that has been given
thoughts and prayers nick
ran across this while back on facebook..
"My friend just died. I don't know what to do."
I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not.
I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents...
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. But I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it.
Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too.
If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
video
https://youtu.be/L75J-1VQguM
definetly some great advice that has been given
thoughts and prayers nick
ran across this while back on facebook..
"My friend just died. I don't know what to do."
I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not.
I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents...
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. But I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it.
Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too.
If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
video
https://youtu.be/L75J-1VQguM
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Man terribly sorry for your loss. Spending my second Christmas alone here. It's not easy, I hope God puts people in your life like he has mine.
Do not be afraid to reach out brother. My phone is open to you and anyone else. Just send me pm and I'll give you my number
Do not be afraid to reach out brother. My phone is open to you and anyone else. Just send me pm and I'll give you my number
Very sorry for your loss, she was so young and that was so sudden. I've been there, lost my dad when I was just 12, my mom as a very young man and my older sister when she was only 56. But I lost the love of my life to breast cancer 13 years ago. Even though I knew it was coming I was devastated. I got sick and couldn't shake it for 6 months. I had to sell the house and move as I couldn't deal with all the memories. My best advice to you is seek some bereavement counseling. Call the local hospice they have counselors who are trained to deal with this. You will be in a group with people who are going through the same thing. I didn't do that and I should have. It took me about 6 years to able to even talk about it without breaking down. You never get over it, but you do learn to live with it.
You need to talk about it. It gets easier if you do, lots of tears and lots of great memories. I have since found a lady who I adore, not sure where it's going, but she is the first woman I've met that I've even considered having a permanent relationship with.
Don't try and rush it, it takes a lot of time. Ken
You need to talk about it. It gets easier if you do, lots of tears and lots of great memories. I have since found a lady who I adore, not sure where it's going, but she is the first woman I've met that I've even considered having a permanent relationship with.
Don't try and rush it, it takes a lot of time. Ken
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Very sorry to hear about your loss, Nick; my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine what you are going through and how you must feel, but I will definitely have you in my thoughts and prayers. If there is anything we can do for you here, I hope you will be sure to ask. I know this is just an internet forum, but the members here are more like a family than most forums. We are all here for you.
Sorry to hear of your loss. Sometimes you have to let the emotional experience just happen. There is a lot going on subconscously that is part of a healing process. What you're experiencing sounds like a common way people process grief. It will get better and you will find the resources you need to get through this. Its perfectly ok to show your kids that your are hurting and to know that more than likely the kids are feeling the same thing. keep communicating on the forum if it helps you get your thoughts expressed. Again, Our Condolences. Take it slow and one day at a time :hug: