December '23 Chat --- It's Christmastime!

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Chevy1925

Chevy1925

don't know sh!t about IFS
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Oct 21, 2009
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I’m not gunna lie, I hate this topic but it’s a hell of a good one

When my MIL passed away in March, my FIL has been dealing with their trust. It was a nightmare to show her passing and amend it all. He finally got it all done and will have it absolved when he passes.

His retirement is very healthy between him and my MIL’s. We’ve been pushing him to spend, travel and so on. For a guy who has been frivolous most his life (grew up on a farm in Colorado just barely making ends meet), this has been a struggle. My MIL passing didn’t help this. I think we are slowly making progress
 
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TheBac

TheBac

Why do I keep doing this?
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Its something we all have to eventually deal with.

I said it many times, but no matter what your background, your wealth, where you live, etc......we all go thru the same things throughout our lives.
 
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N2BRK

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Dec 31, 2009
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TheBac said:
Its something we all have to eventually deal with.

I said it many times, but no matter what your background, your wealth, where you live, etc......we all go thru the same things throughout our lives.
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I watched my Grandfather’s body fail him and then his mind. It was in 2006 and I’m tearing up writing this. I can’t even write what he meant to me. I watched my Grandmother lose her mind to Alzheimer’s. She began angry and mean AF and I couldn’t find sympathy for her. I had to but it was hard. Eventually as she progressed, she lived in the moment and was as happy as a child.

There’s a video with an Indian guy (India). He said you can whisper to the dead man in the coffin that you have $10M for him. He doesn’t move; doesn’t care. Next you whisper that you have cars and trucks and mansions and beautiful women for him; he doesn’t move. The only thing that matters to him is more TIME.

Make the most of what you have.
 
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darkness

darkness

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N2BRK said:
I watched my Grandmother lose her mind to Alzheimer’s. She began angry and mean AF and I couldn’t find sympathy for her. I had to but it was hard. Eventually as she progressed, she lived in the moment and was as happy as a child.
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We went thru the same thing with my Grandpa. He used to take walks thru the neighborhood and sometimes would “get lost”. He would get extremely angry if we saw him and tried to help. We were complete strangers to him. Pretty much the same happened as you. We learned more about him thru his progression than ever before.
 
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TheBac

TheBac

Why do I keep doing this?
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Apr 19, 2008
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My wife tried valiantly to take care of her Mom when she got Alzheimers. Problem was, our children were little, and Mom was one of the angry ALZ people. She cornered our son one day, and that was it. We had to take her to a care facility. She was in her early 50s when she started losing her mind, too.....one of the earliest onset cases doctors had ever seen.

Then, hospice for my FIL. That was fun. Wife cared for him in his home best she could for months, even getting a hospital bed and visiting nurses there....but it was too much. Had to go to hospice. Docs figured a week at most.....was there over a month. Yes, he was stubborn, just like my wife. LOL

Then the fiasco with my Mom. I still kick myself for every damn mistake I made that day that set the course we ended up on. But in the end, nobody (and I mean nobody, not even her docs) knew the total extent of her health issues and once that intubation tube went in, that was it. I was the last to say goodbye. That will live with me forever.

So dealing with Dad is just another situation to me right now. Deal with what I can when I can, and try to get in front of it. I am lucky that my work has been really good about giving me time when I need it.
Oh, to finish my earlier post..... it turned out Dad and his wife were "Level 0" this whole time. They were considered "Independent". The facility uses some sort of points system to determine the level of care, and Dad's needs worked out to their "Level 1" care. So, if he scores more "points", the level goes up. He was grousing a bit yesterday when I asked him if the uplevel care had started, and I reminded him that this was the way it had to be now, so go with it.


See what I mean about, "we all experience the same things throughout our lives"? We've all been there, or will be down the road -- its true.
 
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