BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The
chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends; that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need
to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other
side of the road... ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz
SARAH PALIN:
BECAUSE, PRAISE JESUS, I WAS GONNA SHOOT HIS SORRY LIBERAL ASS OFF FOR
BLOCKING MY VIEW OF RUSSIA!
HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross
the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right
from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it
deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image
of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of
crossing?
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!
It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black
chickens.
DR . PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize
that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before
it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to
do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his
eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmers Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain, alone.
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?
That's why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is
gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side.
That chicken should not be crossing a road. It's as plain and as simple
as that.
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told
us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This
new platform is much more stable and will never crash.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The
chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends; that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need
to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other
side of the road... ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz
SARAH PALIN:
BECAUSE, PRAISE JESUS, I WAS GONNA SHOOT HIS SORRY LIBERAL ASS OFF FOR
BLOCKING MY VIEW OF RUSSIA!
HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross
the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right
from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it
deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image
of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of
crossing?
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!
It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black
chickens.
DR . PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize
that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before
it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to
do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his
eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmers Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain, alone.
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?
That's why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is
gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side.
That chicken should not be crossing a road. It's as plain and as simple
as that.
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told
us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This
new platform is much more stable and will never crash.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
