WARNING: You will spew your drink-cover keyboard!!!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOO, I NEVER DID THIS...........
Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow
beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land
sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did
you know that a 1955 40horse Farmall tractor will take 6 rounds
before it goes down? Tough sumbich.
That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazzard fan that I
was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up Tshirt doused in
chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all
over the place. Keep in mind this was 99.999% humidity swampland so
there really wasn't any fire danger. Ill put it this way- a set of
post hole diggers and a 3ft. hole and you had yourself a well.
One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large
rotten oak stump in our backyard. I looked over under the carport
and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light
bulb went off. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought
that it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner...
lets face it to a 10 yr. old mouth-breather like myself ether really
doesn't "sound" flammable. So, I went back into the house and got a 1
pound can of pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles).
At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the
can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit
around the ether can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie...
1lb pyrodex and 16oz ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a
firecracker you know? You know what? I'm going back in the house for the other can. Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and
dumped it too. Now we're cookin'.
I stepped back about 15ft and lit the 2stroke arrow. I drew the nock
to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow
launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see
my dad getting out of the truck... he just got home from
work. So help me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my
bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a puzzled look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time
to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom.
Right through the main pile of pyrodex and into the can.
When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it
was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex
jerk back from 235 decibels of sound. I caught a half a
millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and
I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1ft
above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low to
the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a
crawfish or two. The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this...
THE DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE. There was a big sweetgum tree
out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was". That
tree got up and ran off.
So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my
thundercats Tshirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the
carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback ECHO
BRAVO CHARLIE YOUR BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE
CEASE FIRE!!!!! His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in
the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown
out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000ft over our backyard. There is a Honda 185s 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.
I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know- I
know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own
head. I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really
matter. I don't remember much from this point on. I said something,
felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain,
blacked out, woke later.... repeat this process for an hour or so
and you get the idea. I remember at one point my mom had to give me
CPR so dad could beat me some more. Bring him back to life so dad
can kill him again. Thanks mom.
One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again.
Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did
anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business.
Dad sold his muzzleloaders a week or so later. And I still have some
sort of bone growth abnormality either from the blast or the
beating. Or both.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery. Its
good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in
life.
I'm still laughing!
I O I O So Off 2 Work I Go!
NOOOOOOOOO, I NEVER DID THIS...........
Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow
beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land
sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did
you know that a 1955 40horse Farmall tractor will take 6 rounds
before it goes down? Tough sumbich.
That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazzard fan that I
was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up Tshirt doused in
chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all
over the place. Keep in mind this was 99.999% humidity swampland so
there really wasn't any fire danger. Ill put it this way- a set of
post hole diggers and a 3ft. hole and you had yourself a well.
One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large
rotten oak stump in our backyard. I looked over under the carport
and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light
bulb went off. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought
that it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner...
lets face it to a 10 yr. old mouth-breather like myself ether really
doesn't "sound" flammable. So, I went back into the house and got a 1
pound can of pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles).
At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the
can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit
around the ether can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie...
1lb pyrodex and 16oz ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a
firecracker you know? You know what? I'm going back in the house for the other can. Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and
dumped it too. Now we're cookin'.
I stepped back about 15ft and lit the 2stroke arrow. I drew the nock
to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow
launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see
my dad getting out of the truck... he just got home from
work. So help me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my
bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a puzzled look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time
to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom.
Right through the main pile of pyrodex and into the can.
When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it
was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex
jerk back from 235 decibels of sound. I caught a half a
millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and
I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1ft
above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low to
the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a
crawfish or two. The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this...
THE DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE. There was a big sweetgum tree
out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was". That
tree got up and ran off.
So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my
thundercats Tshirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the
carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback ECHO
BRAVO CHARLIE YOUR BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE
CEASE FIRE!!!!! His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in
the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown
out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000ft over our backyard. There is a Honda 185s 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.
I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know- I
know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own
head. I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really
matter. I don't remember much from this point on. I said something,
felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain,
blacked out, woke later.... repeat this process for an hour or so
and you get the idea. I remember at one point my mom had to give me
CPR so dad could beat me some more. Bring him back to life so dad
can kill him again. Thanks mom.
One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again.
Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did
anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business.
Dad sold his muzzleloaders a week or so later. And I still have some
sort of bone growth abnormality either from the blast or the
beating. Or both.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery. Its
good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in
life.
I'm still laughing!
I O I O So Off 2 Work I Go!
